When a Swan Goes to War

Watch on YouTube

How many martial artist ballerinas have there been in fiction? There was Summer Glau's character on Joss Whedon's Firefly. There was a South Korean movie on Netflix a couple years ago. My own webcomic, Boschen and Nesuko, features a ballerina martial artist. Now there's one in the John Wick universe played by Ana de Armas in 2025's Ballerina. Much like the John Wick movies, it's almost a feature length action sequence on conspicuously stylised soundstages. It's fine, as far as that goes, but somehow de Armas' character, Eve, doesn't connect as well as Wick. Maybe it's the lack of profound weariness that Wick seems burdened with throughout the series.

This movie was directed by Len Wiseman of the Underworld series and it certainly seems a perfect fit. Returning John Wick cast members include Ian McShane, Lance Reddick, Anjelica Huston, and Keanu Reeves himself, and they're all good. Equally so are new characters played by Gabriel Byrne and Norman Reedus. But, sadly, Eve sucks the air out of the film. Which is odd because I really like Ana de Armas. I think the trouble is that the film is, like the John Wick movies, really asexual and sex appeal is one of de Armas' best assets. She was so memorable in No Time to Die because of it. She can't draw on that asset here and nothing else is introduced to compensate, not the peculiar weariness of Wick nor anything else. There's no hook. Maybe her being a ballerina was supposed to be it but nothing really comes of that. She's a ballerina but in her action scenes she's usually wearing some nondescript dark street clothes and all of her fighting moves just look like the usual kicking and karate chops. Maybe it would be silly to have her fighting in a tutu. But they needed to go somewhere with the concept. Maybe bladed ballet slippers? Maybe they didn't feel like they needed to try so hard when they already had the brand recognition.

Ballerina is available on Amazon Prime in Japan.

X Sonnet 1976

In avocado news, the things are green.
The skin is dark and bumpy, be afraid.
'Tis not a yam nor yet a giant bean.
Its pit a ball of life that God hath made.
For God creates the greener things at hand.
From frogs to Hulk, they owe their lives to Him.
The crowning grace enlarged a jolly man.
He sells his peas without the stain of sin.
For what is green if not a second hue?
'Tis chlorophyll imbues the tree with blood.
The light reveals a yellow mixed with blue.
Its ostrich roots invade the safety mud.
So wander forth and think of spring to-day.
That's all a goblin has betimes to say.